It's getting to the point where it's not obscenely late, but obscenely early. On my short walk home I passed a couple outside of the building next to mine. Stuck together in an embrace, bags waiting at the side, sobs, and a taxi. Ripped my addled brain to shreds, and left me feeling raw and painful. No one should ever have to be away from someone they love for an indeterminate amount of time. That may not be relevant to their situation, but it is an injustice nonetheless.

I am exhausted. Crazy Microwave Lady from down the road has reached new heights of crazy. On the way home from work we ran over a bunny. Here is a list of books that I have read, with a great deal missing. I wish I could remember more.

Un Lun Dun- China Mieville
The Know-It All- A.J. Jacobs
The Key- Junichuro Tanizaki
Perdido Street Station- China Mieville
The Year of Living Biblically- A.J. Jacobs
Naomi- Junichuro Tanizaki
Coraline- Neil Gaiman
One Hundred Years of Solitude- Gabriel Garcia Marquez
My Left Foot- Christy Brown
One flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest- Ken Kesey
The Pearl- John Steinbeck
Sputnik Sweetheart- Haruki Murakami
Crooked Little Vein- Warren Ellis
The Dragons of Babel- Michael Swanwick
Oranges are not the Only Fruit-Jeanette Winterson
Black Bird- Michel Basilieres
Y the Last Man- Brian K Vaughn (I make no distinction between comics and books, so there.)
Thérese Raquin- Emile Zola
Kafka on the Shore- Haruki Murakami
Ender's Game-Orson Scott Card
The Wasp Factory- Iain Banks
Welcome to the Monkey House- Kurt Vonnegut Jr.
Fierce Invalids Home From Hot Climates- Tom Robbins (ew!)
Black Swan Green- David Mitchell
Number9 Dream- David Mitchell
Lullabies for Little Criminals- Heather O'Neil
Breakfast of Champions- Kurt Vonnegut Jr.
Ex Machina (book 1)- Brian K. Vaughn
Mercy Among the Children- David Adam Richards
Perfume: The Story of a Murderer- Patrick Suskind
No Country for Old Men- Cormac MCarthy

Last July I was sitting by the fountain at my University, studying for a lab test, when someone came up behind me and said "Can I talk to you for a second?"

I thought "Yay! A friend!", and told him that he could, but alas. It was some guy in glasses canvassing for Amnesty international. I ended up donating $30/month ($31.13 to be exact- "we're trying to see how many palindromes we can get!"). I think the heat from the sun, and my desire to get back to my work stunned me into letting this music major from the East coast talk me into it.

At the end of September, I realized that I needed to scale back the donation, but ended up canceling it altogether. I'm all for Amnesty, and I am also cool about giving to charities, I just decided that I needed to see something happen with the money that I was setting aside. So I joined the gym, and it is costing me approximately 1.00 less per month to do so. I've got a pretty good schedule that has me going four days a week, sometimes with people, sometimes alone. This time last year I walked into the same YMCA, intent on signing up, and turned around once I had gotten past the main entrance. It was always full of scary men in tight shirts bench pressing 7,000 kgs, and high fiving each other over how awesome they were.

I'm not sure what changed, to be perfectly honest. This year I just managed to do it. And so far it is good. My life now has boiled down to three things: Work, school work, and working out. This afternoon I went to my parents house and watched four hours of television. I finished knitting a hat on Friday. I am going to go to the travel agent at school to see how feasible it would be to fly to the UK for a week from December-January. I spent the afternoon feeling like a maudlin baby, so I reorganized my entire room and cleared out much clutter. Then I defrosted some pasta sauce that I had made, and ate it over egg noodles. All is well.

tags: exercise, school, work

I had an exam the other day, in a subject that I find incredibly interesting and engaging. And managed to do incredibly poorly. Generally this wouldn't bother me so much, except for the catastrophic failure that was the LAST midterm I wrote, and the fact that being in Honours is supposed to mean that you can generally get a mark that is higher than the average for the class...

We had an honours meeting last week. The room was full of smart looking people talking about their projects. And then there was the speech about how we were all the elite, the best, the top of the class. And I shrank further and further into my seat as I felt the entire speech was meant to uncover me as the phony that I am. I like science. I enjoy it, and I am excited to do this project. But my god. I did. not. earn. any. of. this. That is to say, I am not the elite, the top of the class. I lucked out and now I'm going to be exposed, and likely hung by the seat of my pants from some rafters?

I paid all of my bills today. I am going to make butter chicken and try to learn about x-ray crystallography. I have started going to the gym. I am searching for the perfect black, hooded toggle coat.

I went surfing in Tofino with my sister this afternoon. She moved to Ottawa in August, and came to visit for Thanksgiving. We left my parents house at 6:30 this morning with my mum and dad, and I was struggling my way into a wetsuit by 11:45. I had never been that far North up the island before. On this side of Canada, the forests are populated with evergreens. There's a sprinkling of deciduous trees, and at this time of year you can see bursts of orange and yellow. Particularly nice when you get to see little bursts on the side of a mountain overlooking a lake.

Have I ever mentioned that I live in an incredibly beautiful place?

Where I grew up the forests are populated with giant, round cedar trees. As we drove up island, I noticed that the trees are more dense, but skinny, pathetic looking things that spindle their way towards the sunlight.



Am feeling a little bit drained at the moment, and despite playing in the water today, it's mostly an emotional thing. Will write more later. Maybe.

Un Lun Dun- China Mieville
The Know-It All- A.J. Jacobs
The Key- Junichuro Tanizaki
Perdido Street Station- China Mieville
The Year of Living Biblically- A.J. Jacobs
Naomi- Junichuro Tanizaki
Coraline- Neil Gaiman
One Hundred Years of Solitude- Gabriel Garcia Marquez
My Left Foot- Christy Brown
One flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest- Ken Kesey
The Pearl- John Steinbeck
Sputnik Sweetheart- Haruki Murakami
Crooked Little Vein- Warren Ellis
The Dragons of Babel- Michael Swanwick
Oranges are not the Only Fruit-Jeanette Winterson
Black Bird- Michel Basilieres
Y the Last Man- Brian K Vaughn (I make no distinction between comics and books, so there.)
Thérese Raquin- Emile Zola
Kafka on the Shore- Haruki Murakami
Ender's Game-Orson Scott Card
The Wasp Factory- Iain Banks
Welcome to the Monkey House- Kurt Vonnegut Jr.
Fierce Invalids Home From Hot Climates- Tom Robbins (ew!)
Black Swan Green- David Mitchell
Lullabies for Little Criminals- Heather O'Neil



I know in my HEART OF HEARTS that there is more than this. So why can I not remember what they are? For the life of me, I cannot remember... I need to read Dracula by Monday, as well as Perfume by...well, some time.

This weekend I have nights off. Oh, happy day. Today I took a positive step in my life. Sort of. Will talk about it more if and when it actually goes through. I also took a negative step. I am also trying to get to sleep soon.

tags: books

I am feeling WELL. And PRODUCTIVE. And HAPPY. This is likely due to a combination of waking up at a decent hour, and sort of being able to organize my life. I will visit my parents and get some homework done! I will stop listening to cheesy pop songs and start fulfilling my duty to the world as a fantastic, cool and tough, tough and cool individual. I will floss and jump rope and take my vitamins. I will not let my antibiotics stick in my mouth any longer than necessary.

This morning the water was shut off, and I had a very pleasant exchange with a plumber and the building manager. I washed my face with the water from Brita filter and pretended that I was on a glacier.

mood: chipper music: TV on the radio- Wolf Like Me

No time is ever a strange time to be sleeping for me. Or to be awake for that matter. I came home and the bathroom ceiling was leaking. Now it just IS leaking. I am avoiding going to bed, because if I do I will have to wake early to talk to the building manager...

I don't like having alone time at this time of day.

end transmission.

So. I just watched The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert for the first time. Suffice to say that I really, really adored it.

I am now on an ABBA kick, after reading through some notes and actually acting like a responsible human being for most of the day. I`m thinking that I want to get back into some form of singing/dancing lessons/group/form. Because I enjoy both singing and dancing. Nothing scary and professional, because I am certainly neither of those things at the best of times. Something that borders on cabaret, but not quite. Luckily for all of you, I am shy and not prone to trying new things, so this will not likely happen any time soon. Though I'm sort of itching to.

I'm taking a page from my older sister's book. Can't shake this clean living.

Here are some things that are happening in my life.

I finished my summer semester and was shot right into a few weeks of volunteering and fringe shows and training. About two weeks ago I had a run in with a bottle of whiskey and one of my teeth. Suffice to say that it was enough to put me off of alcohol for a good little while.

I saw nine Fringe shows this year, most of which were fantastic.

I have not the heart for writing at the moment. Are we interested in the doldrum? Do we want excitement? How about to hear how much I hated the tom robbins book that I read? The length of my hair? What I ate for dinner? Help us out here, people!

music: Calvin Harris-Merrymaking at my Place

Oh my goodness. I do not remember feeling this stressed ever in my lifetime. I actually forgot to visit my grandparents today. I want to write coherently about everything that is currently going on in my life, but I am feeling too overwhelmed to even try. I had one day off after seven days of training and volunteering and going to the Fringe, and now I start work at the University. I feel totally and wholly unprepared for the entire experience. AND THEN I get to start school and my honours project, something which will take what seems like an insurmountable amount of work that I am most definitely not cut out for. I spent most of today preparing for my new job by sitting in bed perpetually hitting the snooze button. All. Day. I am going to take a cab home, because I was too lazy to go into town to buy a rear bike light. I feel like all of my time has been spent either in bed, or in the shower, which is utter bullshit, because I have been constantly on the go for ages now.

Why, oh why, oh why did I ever say I would do my honours? WHY!? I am so close to collapsing into a heap of tears.

I am not dead, I am just so drained and busy that I have started learning how to photosynthesize, so as not to waste precious time/energy eating and digesting food. Will stop being such a crappy friend/sister/lover/teacher/mentor/dancer sometime in the near future, I hope (well, except for dancer... that's staying).

I am in training for a new job, I am fringing, I am preparing myself for a topsy turvy year of extreme responsibility, fatigue, stress, and a general sense of fear and discontentment. Matched with accomplishment, some more skrilla ($$), books, pleasure, discovery, change, growth (but hopefully not growths), music, tea, and an acute sense of self satisfaction (I will use it to power my impossible meter). Tonight I feel introspective and strange, and am taking advantage of my first night in before midnight in what feels like forever by sitting around, and cleaning my room. I miss you. I really, really, really, really do. As soon as I remember the books I've read lately I will do a real proper thing on how much I hated a Tom Robbins book. I am listening to music on my free iPhone. Double-yew-tee-eff? I have had four apple products, NONE OF WHICH I HAVE PAID FOR.

Melly is okay. End transmission.

Post Script: I am an INFJ. I already knew that. It will never change.

mood: weird music: City and Colour- Sleeping Sickness tags: dance, fear, frantic, introspection, jobs, school

I either burn the candle at seven ends, or I'm unable to even get out of bed to light the bloody thing at all. today was one of the latter type days, where I refused to join the world of the living until it was eleven o'clock, and even then I wanted to continue living in the cocoon of blankets that I had made for myself.

Next week will be volunteering at the Fringe Festival. Right now I am going to fill my unicycle tire with air, get a hot chocolate, and read my book. This is instead of studying for molecular microbiology, because I just don't want to do that anymore. I have two (2) broken ipods. What do you suggest I do with them?

music: Mew- Snow Brigade

Sometimes a little exercise, a shower, and a snugly, fuzzy sweater featuring a skeleton fighting a dragon with a katana can reverse an entire day of moping about. It does not take the place of a cuddle, but it come pretty damn close when you're not within cuddling reach of whom that you would like to be cuddled by.

I wilt like a flower, but grow up seven times as awesome. Like a bamboo stalk. To be eaten by pandas, om nom nom.

When I was small, I used to try and imitate a giraffe when I chewed my food. I have only been out of bed for about 20 minutes, and I found myself doing the exact same thing, only not on purpose.

I woke up this morning at seven. I was suppossed to go into work today to read up on some scientific papers, but I was overwhelmed by this NEED to stay in bed. It wasn't so much a want as being unable to collect myself enough for get up and leave the house. I e-mailed them to let them know that I wasn't feeling well, and sat in bed with a book until I conked out. I woke up a few times, but was too far gone to be able to arise from my linen prison and dreamless sleep. The first thing I did was pour myself a bowl of Kashi (I don't really eat cereal), that contained more blueberries and strawberries than it did grains. I topped it off with almond milk and a splash of 2% (that I bought to make soup with. I have a bad relationship with milk in it's liquid form. More so with the dairy farmers who peddle their wares with both the insistence and persistence of a snake-oil vendor. But this is for another day.) Thus began the giraffe mastication imitation.

I'm not sure what came over me. I've been, as Mike puts it, a bit of a stop-up lately, but this is bordering on ridiculous- the sort of thing that only happens when I'm ill, or otherwise incapacitated.

Last weekend was chock-o-block full of emotion and weird stuff. On Friday night we had a "goodbye!" dinner for my older sister who moved to Ottawa on Saturday. I had a surprise party for her, with a sort of ridiculous assortment of people. It got a little bit dramatic at certain points, and left me with two hours of sleep. I was whisked away to my parents house on Saturday morning and said goodbye to Ashley at the airport. I already miss her wwaaaaaay too much. Saturday was spent feeling fragile and trying not to snap at my younger sister. Cleaned up the aftermath of the party and then... well, I'm not really sure what else I did this weekend.

I'm a mix of frustration and gumption, or something. Tonight there will be vietnamese food. For now I am going to sit in a park and read some spectroscopy work, or go for a bike ride, or both, but certainly not neither.

And if you'd really like to know how I am feeling, here is a song for your enjoyment.

music: Sparklehorse- Sick of Goodbyes tags: angst, defiant, doubleyewteeeff, sick of goodbyes, sister, sleep, tired

Candles only have two ends, Melissa!

I am at my Mom and Dad's. Here are some photos, pre-melly time.

( Hop on board! )

So there you have it. I inherited my Dad's face, neither of their heights, eyes that crinkle when I smile, and strange Farah Fawcett hair. This is where it all began, or something. Will tell you about my weekend in good time, once the effects have worn off. I am going to go out for lunch!

mood: cheerful music: Franz Ferdinand tags: awesome, family, pictures

Oh, hello. I didn't see you there.

So. It is now technically Wednesday morning, and I have a final exam a-happening on Thursday. Things went a little bit tits up lately, but somehow I feel like they're settling back into something manageable, albeit slightly odd and distracting. Bad things happened, awkward things happened, good things happened, good things are happeninING, and other things are going on. Cryptic much? I think...not...

I got a job for September that entails telling kids in the residence halls to shut-the-fuck-up and go to bed. This fits in with my plan of being able to finance things like living, eating, and having a place to sleep. This quite possibly means that none of you will ever see me again come the September, as the hours are 8pm-4am Friday/Saturday/+ one other day a week. Factor in full time school, and the ever impending possibility of an honours thesis (you know, if I can get good grades and whatnot... this is also increasingly unlikely!) and you get a Melissa who is nothing more than a boring set to-do, have-done, will-do.

That being said, this means that the summer will be full of wonderful things. Life's excess knows know bounds, etc, etc, etc. I am counting on you people to help me with this.

I am possibly finishing my degree by next August. After that I am going to try and go to New Zealand on a co-op for eight months. Beyond this I have absolutely no plans. If this doesn't pan out, I have absolutely no plans. After my exam on Thursday I intend to make cookies and clean my house. I will possibly make ice cream sandwiches. I may also go for drinks. I have a reading break, and this means adventures and drinking, and hopefully sleeping in and getting Belgian waffles. I need to factor in more exercise into this regime, for the sedentary lifestyle does little for my ability to burn the candles at both ends, snap it in half and then light the two new ends, effectively burning a candle at four ends. Because I am so awesome, this is what I will do.

If I asked, and you told me "Go give 'em all you've got for a friend that could be, for a life that might be, so come on and kiss me with no questions.

music: Jim Guthrie- The Evangelist tags: free, introspection, school, work

Failure at science. Am going to quit school and marry an investment banker. Cook and clean and organize. Meddle. Have little investment banker babies. Get old, wear pearls, drink gin. Have affairs with the pool boy. Get a face lift. Play bridge. Goodbye life, hello trophy wife!

Grandparents, and heart-to-heart with my dad on the Drive home. Stealing food from my parents, and watching the Stanley Cup game. Leaving the game early in favor of going to the beach. Drinking beer as the sunset on a concrete island jutting into the pacific. Diving into the ocean, and surfacing screaming, kicking, and laughing. Pacific fish swimming around toes, and starfish clinging onto rocks. Paddling, and swishing, and receiving a lesson on the topography of the area from David, one of my longest known friends who might have Lyme Disease. Barnacles, and the throwing of Starfish at an unarmed Justin, who is taller than anyone else I know. back to Justin's parent's house, just as pacific twilight starts to fall. Mosquitos buzzing, and a red sky dissipating. Sitting in a hot tub to take the chill of the ocean out of our bones. A quick shower. Volleyball, more beer, and ice cream sandwiches. Sitting with three people I've known since I was five, and one person who feels like he's been around forever. More beer, laughter, stories, heat lamps. Taking in the surroundings. Forest, green, flowers, serene landscape. True darkness and stars. Home to my mum and dad's at 2 am. Up at 6:30 to catch a ride back into town. Perfect, perfect, perfect.

tags: actvitity, family, friends, ocean

What's that? Why yes! Three hours of sleep was a wonderful idea! Thank you for noticing.