Candles only have two ends, Melissa!

I am at my Mom and Dad's. Here are some photos, pre-melly time.

( Hop on board! )

So there you have it. I inherited my Dad's face, neither of their heights, eyes that crinkle when I smile, and strange Farah Fawcett hair. This is where it all began, or something. Will tell you about my weekend in good time, once the effects have worn off. I am going to go out for lunch!

mood: cheerful music: Franz Ferdinand tags: awesome, family, pictures

Oh, hello. I didn't see you there.

So. It is now technically Wednesday morning, and I have a final exam a-happening on Thursday. Things went a little bit tits up lately, but somehow I feel like they're settling back into something manageable, albeit slightly odd and distracting. Bad things happened, awkward things happened, good things happened, good things are happeninING, and other things are going on. Cryptic much? I think...not...

I got a job for September that entails telling kids in the residence halls to shut-the-fuck-up and go to bed. This fits in with my plan of being able to finance things like living, eating, and having a place to sleep. This quite possibly means that none of you will ever see me again come the September, as the hours are 8pm-4am Friday/Saturday/+ one other day a week. Factor in full time school, and the ever impending possibility of an honours thesis (you know, if I can get good grades and whatnot... this is also increasingly unlikely!) and you get a Melissa who is nothing more than a boring set to-do, have-done, will-do.

That being said, this means that the summer will be full of wonderful things. Life's excess knows know bounds, etc, etc, etc. I am counting on you people to help me with this.

I am possibly finishing my degree by next August. After that I am going to try and go to New Zealand on a co-op for eight months. Beyond this I have absolutely no plans. If this doesn't pan out, I have absolutely no plans. After my exam on Thursday I intend to make cookies and clean my house. I will possibly make ice cream sandwiches. I may also go for drinks. I have a reading break, and this means adventures and drinking, and hopefully sleeping in and getting Belgian waffles. I need to factor in more exercise into this regime, for the sedentary lifestyle does little for my ability to burn the candles at both ends, snap it in half and then light the two new ends, effectively burning a candle at four ends. Because I am so awesome, this is what I will do.

If I asked, and you told me "Go give 'em all you've got for a friend that could be, for a life that might be, so come on and kiss me with no questions.

music: Jim Guthrie- The Evangelist tags: free, introspection, school, work

Failure at science. Am going to quit school and marry an investment banker. Cook and clean and organize. Meddle. Have little investment banker babies. Get old, wear pearls, drink gin. Have affairs with the pool boy. Get a face lift. Play bridge. Goodbye life, hello trophy wife!

Grandparents, and heart-to-heart with my dad on the Drive home. Stealing food from my parents, and watching the Stanley Cup game. Leaving the game early in favor of going to the beach. Drinking beer as the sunset on a concrete island jutting into the pacific. Diving into the ocean, and surfacing screaming, kicking, and laughing. Pacific fish swimming around toes, and starfish clinging onto rocks. Paddling, and swishing, and receiving a lesson on the topography of the area from David, one of my longest known friends who might have Lyme Disease. Barnacles, and the throwing of Starfish at an unarmed Justin, who is taller than anyone else I know. back to Justin's parent's house, just as pacific twilight starts to fall. Mosquitos buzzing, and a red sky dissipating. Sitting in a hot tub to take the chill of the ocean out of our bones. A quick shower. Volleyball, more beer, and ice cream sandwiches. Sitting with three people I've known since I was five, and one person who feels like he's been around forever. More beer, laughter, stories, heat lamps. Taking in the surroundings. Forest, green, flowers, serene landscape. True darkness and stars. Home to my mum and dad's at 2 am. Up at 6:30 to catch a ride back into town. Perfect, perfect, perfect.

tags: actvitity, family, friends, ocean

What's that? Why yes! Three hours of sleep was a wonderful idea! Thank you for noticing.

In the last 48 hours I almost forgot how to sleep. I forgot how to eat, and I forgot that my contact lenses aren't real parts of my eye. I've got a bruise on my arm and a bruise on my chest. How did they get there? Now I am going to relearn important things like spectrometry and biochemistry, and not so important things like being unconscious, being able to see, and ingesting food.

music: The Unicorns- Jellybones

I am going to go to bed now. I just thought I'd let you know. In case you missed me.

music: The Dears- Money Babies

Learning to be you is what hurts most/Close your eyes and hold your terror close

Instead of studying for molecular genetics (notice a theme happening? No?) I am writing to tell you about my day! Or the last part of my day. When I babysat as a way to make money while still avoiding molecular genetics- at least the studying of it. We can never escape it, oh noes. Don't try and tell me that you can, because THAT SHIT IS PART OF YOU AND EVERYONE ONE YOU KNOW. Except your robot friends.

You'll be interested to know that in the past week I have been getting all sorts of attention from strange people at strange times. For the most part they've been drunk, or something other than drunk, but the sheer volume of it is pretty insane. The latest to make strange comments/gropings was a three year old girl, who I suppose doesn't really count. She is, after all, an incredibly cute, small thing, and I have lots of fun looking after her. We were sitting on her rocking chair when she looks up and suddenly goes:

"You have giant boobs!" I told her that they weren't that big, so she grabbed one and said "No one has ever had any that were bigger." Dealing with children who develop a fascination for breasts is hard, because the more uncomfortable you get, the worse it gets. But the more nonchalant I am about it, the more uncomfortable I get. It's always the same. So, if I ever thought my chest was too small, I have the utmost assurance that it is GIGANTIC. Thank you, three year old girl!

In other news, I replaced the battery in my iPod, and now it works like a dream. Bow down before my ingenuity, blah, blah, blah I am the greatest, etc, etc, etc.

music: TV on the Radio- Wolf Like Me

Un Lun Dun- China Mieville
The Know-It All- A.J. Jacobs
The Key- Junichuro Tanizaki
Perdido Street Station- China Mieville
The Year of Living Biblically- A.J. Jacobs
Naomi- Junichuro Tanizaki
Coraline- Neil Gaiman
One Hundred Years of Solitude- Gabriel Garcia Marquez
My Left Foot- Christy Brown
One flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest- Ken Kesey
The Pearl- John Steinbeck
Sputnik Sweetheart- Haruki Murakami
Crooked Little Vein- Warren Ellis
The Dragons of Babel- Michael Swanwick
Oranges are not the Only Fruit-Jeanette Winterson
Black Bird- Michel Basilieres
Y the Last Man- Brian K Vaughn (I make no distinction between comics and books, so there.)
Thérese Raquin- Emile Zola

Like always, I'm sure I'm missing some, but this is the total THUS FAR. Also on the go I have:

Bananas: The Fate of the Fruit that Changed the World-Dan Koeppel

and will soon be starting:
Kafka on the Shore- Haruki Murakami
Ender's Game: Orson Scott Card

It's taken me for freaking ever to find a copy of Ender's Game. This is because everyone I know (and their mothers) has raved about this book. I wanted to own a copy of it, but could not find it in any used book store anywhere. I figured that somewhere, someone's mother found that it wasn't to her taste and gave it away to her local used book store. And then I came along and snapped it up for a cool $0.50, not the ludicrous $8.00 that Chapters is trying to sell it to me for. No, thank you. In any case, the library is your friend, and you should be nice to it.

Last weekend was full of ocean and swimming and dancing to music, and fending off strange people at strange times. I went out to a pub by myself for the first time ever, actually. I went to see someone I know dj, and I sat in the corner drinking gin and tonics, writing in a notebook at a furious pace, and listening to some rad tunes. Next time, I shall not venture alone. Mark. My. Words.

Hmm. I've had a butternut squash sitting in the pantry for months, and I decided to see if it was still in okay shape. 'Twas, so I roasted it and ate some for dinner. The rest I made into a pasta sauce today, to go over garlic and cheese ravioli with some green peas. Am pretty content with how it turned out.

Sigh. Let's do something fun.

Last night I packed all of my things into panniers for my ride to university. This morning I realized that I had forgotten to grab a water bottle, so I found one sitting in my room. It still had some water in it, but I didn't bother to empty it, I just filled it up and went on my way.

I was unusually thirsty this morning, so I stopped to have a drink halfway through my ride. I was standing next to a bunch of fragrant pine-type trees. I noticed that the water tasted pretty pine-like, but I chalked it up to standing next to the trees. I was still really thirsty, so I took a rather large-ish swig, before making a realization.

So. When I went to the beach last weekend, I brought some gin with me to enjoy by the waves. I had a rather large bottle, and to prevent over-drinking/breaking of bottle/being overly conspicuous/being drunk and telling everyone else that they could have as much as they want, I poured a nicely drinkable amount into a water bottle, grabbed some orange juice, and off I went.

When I got home the next morning, I sort of threw everything in a pile, and collapsed into bed. I cleaned everything up the next day, but left the water bottle in my room. Turns out that there was some gin left in it, and this morning I was happily chugging down a gin and water, which I may start drinking as an alternative to a vodka and water. Go. Me.

Catch up on work time, to go along with this beautiful spring-like evening.

mood: happy music: Andrew Bird- Fitz&Dizzyspells tags: bike, silly me, spring, study

New Jim Guthrie= oh my goodness, ear bliss is a real thing.

I spent an awfully large chunk of this weekend doing nothing productive, and about a third of it doing something fun. Most of the fun stuff ended up being playing cards, wandering around down town, eating vegan food, consuming beverages, and leading awesome choruses of Queen and Marcy Playground around a campfire. My hair still smells vaguely of smoke, and my shoes are filled with sand. I swam in the pacific ocean. There is something about water that makes me want to submerge myself in it all the time. In lakes, in rivers, but in the ocean especially. Freshwater seems thin, and tepid. The ocean is cold, and salty, and refreshing, and welcoming. I'm not a very good swimmer. I tire easily, and I have no form, but I will slip in and out, and move around, and stay in as long as I can. Last summer I would slip down to the water at night, before sunset, and just tread water. The people on their waterfront porches would drink wine and look at me strangely. I need excuses to stay out of the water, and only sometimes is the freezing cold and lack of appropriate clothing enough to keep me out.

Somehow I ended up walking ten kilometers home, the last leg of which was on my own. I've got an unexplained bruise on my shin and elbow, and a bunch of scratches on me knee. The sun started to come up, and birds were twittering, and I was salty and tired, and bleeding, but oddly satisfied. I feel like this is going to be my last summer to be really reckless and strange. Drink too much tea, and go for manic strolls. Or maybe I just haven't wanted to be reckless and strange for a while.

This means that I don't want to talk about things that are important to me. Instead let's name drop, and talk about fictionalized exploits. I don't know how I'm feeling, so let's talk about people who do know how they're feeling. Let's talk about dreams and stars, and rocks, and flowers, and kittens, and death, and books, and music, and iron sulfer clusters, but for god's sake don't ask me how I am.

music: Human Highway- the Sound tags: beach, detachment, introspection, loneliness, music

I see a sea anemone
The enemy
See a sea anemone
And that'll be the end of me.

While the vicious fish was caught unawares in the tenderest of tendrils
Underneath her tender gills

I will become this animal
Perfectly adapted to the music halls
I will become this animal
Anomalous appendages
A non-animal

Hold on just a second
Don't tell me this one you know
I know this one I know this song
I know this one I love this song
Hold on just a second
Don't tell me this one you know
i know this one I know this song
I know this one I love this song
I know this one

Underneath the stalactites
The troglobites lost their sight
Uh oh

The seemingly innocuous plecostomus
though posthumus
They talk to us
They talk too much

See a sea anemone
The enemy
See a sea anemone
That'll be the end of me
Vicious fish was caught unawares
In the tend'rest tendrils
Underneath her tender gills and

I will become this animal
Perfectly adapted to a music hall
I will become this animal

Anomalous appendages
A non-animal

After you've gotten really drunk, or otherwise inebriated, everything you did on the day, previous to the experience automatically becomes "that stuff I did before I got trashed", and is remembered in a fog not unlike the one you walked around in all night.

As far as I know, people are coming to my house, and then we are going to go to an epic show at a local pub. I spent this afternoon playing crib with my mum, and helping her prepare a fantastically delicious dinner. It's the long weekend, and everything's coming up Milhouse! I've got the next year tentatively figured out, but since I've gotten really good at counting chickens before they hatch, that's all I'm going to say on that subject. Tonight I am going to have fun, because that is what you do when you've got a few days off, and a healthy, healthy liver.

Recently someone at work lent me a book. It's one of those drug store paperbacks about twins. One's a cop recovering after a raid that killed her partner. One is a professional Vegas gambler. Read on, as they trade places, and fool men, fall in love, and ohmygosh solve mysteries and. Uhm. Do. Stuff. I'm trying to read it because she recommended it to me, and she seemed to really like it. Every time I start reading it I get this really strong gag reflex. It's written like a 1950's Superman comic, except without the flying and x ray vision, and more sexy cops, house maids, and Nancy Drew style adventure. You know what I mean.

Thought bubble: "Yoinks! They're pointing a laser straight for the sun! I'll deflect it with this shiny building, making sure to deflect the beam harmlessly into the ocean, and miss that troupe of girl scouts!"

You know. Explaining EVERYTHING instead of letting the story tell itself. And it just so HAPPENS that they're all rich, white, down-to-earth Americans caught up in wacky circumstances! Someone's place gets trashed at the beginning! No worries, he calls his Spanish maid and gets her to clean up. Makes sure she sends her nieces with his credit card to buy new furniture- "Don't spare any cost! We can't let her see the place like this!"

Don't get me wrong. I'm no literary snob. I love all sorts of terrible stories. I re-read the this fantasy series I've had since I was ten at least once a year. I just can't get through it. And I don't want to tell her that I didn't read it because I had the strange urge to throw it under a bus every time I set my eyes on that sugary, predictable, sickening dialogue. But I probably will, because she once told me that she appreciates honesty. And I do like her. Just not her book.

Anyway, I'm on a search for a pair of earrings and some water!

mood: A supersonic woman! music: Queen- Don't stop me now! tags: bands, books, drink, music, plans, show

I have forgotten a lot of the books that I have read this year. I was drunk, but I'm not anymore. I am just tired. I want to sleep, and I want my tiger to be with my lion.

So, all that drinking and knitting (oh yeah, I was also knitting) paid off, because I finished what I can honestly say is the first knitting project that I would actually be happy to attribute to myself.




It's not the first thing I've finished, mind you. My first project was a pink and blue striped hat with a cream coloured pom pom that only should really fit a six year old, yet my friend bobbles wears anyway.

So Steve, if you like it, it's yours, but if you want something different I'll make you something a little more to your tastes (providing I can...)

God, it only took my 22 years to do something this awesome. Maybe I'll learn to make curtains so I don't have to have those horrible blinds anymore.

mood: productive tags: drunk, hat, knit

Drinking gin and apple juice kind of makes me feel like a bad-ass first grader.

It's midnight, and I've stolen the teapot full of coconut chai. This morning I got an e-mail from the university saying that my wallet and i.d. card had been found by bc transit, and that I could go pick them up. I hadn't even realized that I had lost them. I had to go to the university to talk to my former co-op supervisor about part-time work this summer, and was planning on riding my bike. Turns out that I was forced to ride my bike, since I had no money or bus pass, which was just fine with me. I've got one day a week, running tests on mussel muscle (hee) to see what the effects of something or other are. I've got a manuscript on it, if anyone's interested (ha), I then rode down to the bus headquarters to retrieve my wallet. I was sort of 3/4 of the way to a thrift store where I once found the wool that started me off on my journey into the world of knitted crafts. I didn't find anything, but since I was close to the grocery store where cheapish food can be found, I decided to ride down and pick up three or four things, and carry them the extra few kilometers home on my bicycle.

When I left this morning, the hot water wasn't working. A note dated the 27th of April was posted to all of the exits, that wasn't there yesterday, had been posted on two doors. It was raining a tiny bit as I left the apartment, but it was more cooling than annoying. By the time I left the grocery store the rainfall had turned from a sprinkle to a torrent, and I stood under the overhang trying to decide the best way to get home. An Irish girl with a bike saw me contemplating.

"You're going to get wet. It's inevitable."

I think it was only about three or four kilometers home, but by the time I walked through the door my shoes were full of water, my pants were plastered to my legs, and my shirt was soaked through not with sweat, but with rain water. My roommate was in the shower, and I was too wet to sit on anything without leaving a melly-shaped wet spot, so I sat on the coffee table and shivered, praying that the hot water was back on. It was.

I made muffins today, and read three issues of Y the Last Man. I walked down to a little fish and chip shop, because I was craving rainy day comfort food that was close and that I didn't have to make. I was not overly pleased, but it came wrapped in newspaper, and it was cute and filling. I worked on a hat for Steve. I screwed it up, but I will persevere. I did Spectroscopy homework.

I am so incredibly happy to putter around the house and bake things, cook things, drink tea, knit things, read things, clean things. I was forcing myself to get out and about the last two weeks, but honestly. As long as I can keep productive around the house, tidy, read, sit, think. I am fine. So I'm trying not to go out much, and to keep as busy as possible with books, crafts, things. So I think this is sort of an apology to everyone, because I don't want to see you. I still like you, I just crave being solitary. And not melancholy, not sad. Just alone, and awake, and asleep, and by myself. Not necessarily at home, mind you. Just out and about alone. I'm not sure if this is worrisome or not, but I feel okay with it. Maybe that's a bad thing. I haven't lost that positive attitude, or motivation. I still want it, I am still working for it, and by god I am still going to try, try, try.

That's not to say that I haven't been enjoying myself when I've been out. I saw a terrible play, and a good one. I went to a party, and ate sushi. I rode on fair rides, and got stuck on The Zipper. A terrifying second ride, that was so much fun. I love rides, and I hate carnivals.

I've been invited out to a "Girls Night Out", and I can't find a tactful way to say that I DON'T want to see Matthew McConaughey's new movie. It looks like shit, I don't find him attractive, and I don't want to sit through it. I find myself wishing that I could be a little more honest about this sort of thing, but I feel like a radiate "She's not the kind of person you want to hang out with for this sort of thing! She is not good at this", and that would take care of it for me.



I feel like the rain soaked into my bones, and replaced my marrow.

music: Andrew Bird- Anonimal tags: alone, chips, fish, happenings, musings, problems, productivity, sleep, tea, thoughts, what to do

Things have happened and things are happening. I've felt like writing a lot lately, but I havent been sitting down very much in order to do so. Now, instead of writing about things when they're still fresh and exciting and I can imbibe some sort of passion, I will write about them while they are mundane and doldrum and boring.

Hm. There's a slight chance that once I am finished my courses (in 2010, oh dear god) I will go to either London or New Zealand to work for at least eight months. At this point I think I am going to try for NZ, because the only times I've been to London I wanted to commit seppuku. I want to be all alone somewhere new, because I'm confident that I would do well and enjoy it, blissfully ignoring the fact that I would probably be scared and reclusive and strange, and lonely. I MAY try and go to London, if I can convince myself that people in the South will like me more than kiwis will. I may end up doing neither, but that wouldn't be my choice.

I've had a lovely weekend so far. Last night I went to a quiz with the usual gaggle, plus my sister's Swedish friend who I really didn't like at first, but I am slowly warming up to, because he is actually pretty good company. I drank too much green tea, and had quite a bit of fun.

I am getting a haircut today, because I keep finding gift certificates posted to trees. Currently my hair looks like this:



I always want to pretend that I've lost my voice so that I can write out exactly what I want and not have to talk while it's happening.

Then I am going to go crabbing. I am hoping to take lots of pictures today, in order to convince any one of you far away people to come and visit so I can take you places. Tonight I will be disorderly, and likely drunk, which means you will all probably hear from me. Tomorrow I am going to sleep in late and eat fish down by the water.

I am going to make you all proud one day. I am hopeful, and capable, and awesome.

This song is catchy as fuck, and I cannot stop listening to it.

mood: cheerful music: Justice- D.A.N.C.E. tags: alcohol, fear, love, plans, quiz, weekend